CHARLIE JOE JACKSON’S BACK-TO-SCHOOL TIPS
September 2, 2011
Does Labor Day make you cry?
Going back to school is just not fun. Oh sure, we can listen to our parents talk all about how awesome it will be to see our friends again, but the fact is, we’ve been seeing our friends all along. And we’ve been seeing them at the beach and the mall and the diner, not in the classroom.
But here’s the thing. Going back to school doesn’t have to be a total downer. Follow these easy tips to make it as pain-free as humanly possible.
1. Wear shorts. As long as you’re wearing shorts, it’s still summer in your mind.
2. Show the girls your tan. Girls love tans. Seriously.
3. Tell your teachers you can’t do homework because Hurricane Irene knocked out your power. (This tip is mainly for people on the East Coast, but you guys in California should try it too, you never know.)
4. Make friends with the cafeteria people. There might be an extra ice-cream sandwich in it for you.
5. If you have to write one of those “How I Spent My Summer Vacation” papers, keep it short and sweet. A perfectly acceptable answer: “By enjoying myself.”
6. Tell your parents you can’t remember where you left your backpack way back in June. By the time you “find” it, you’ll have avoided bringing schoolbooks home for like a week.
7. Set your clock five hours ahead, so when you wake up, you’ll think you’ve slept until noon.
8. At recess, talk about summery things, like popsicles, amusement park rides and sleeping until noon.
9. Sing your camp fight song at least five times a day, or until someone punches you, whichever comes first.
10. Remember, there’s only ten months left until July 4th.
So, there you go. Give these things a try and it won’t be that bad!
Actually, who am I kidding? it WILL be that bad. This is school we’re talking about, people.
Good luck. Wear a helmet.