Not-very-well-known children’s author Tommy Greenwald made an unexpected announcement today, declaring that he has made himself available for writers’ conferences, provided the conferences are held at locations with a spa.

“It has long been a dream of mine to give back to the writing community,” Greenwald said in a prepared statement. “I am now delighted to be able to do just that, as long as the writing community pays my expenses and throws in a few hot stone massages.”

Greenwald, the author of the somewhat-obscure CHARLIE JOE JACKSON series, went on to describe how excited he is to get started. “I know there are a lot of pre-published writers out there who are looking for feedback,” he said. “I look forward to talking with them about how to shape their voice, who might be the best editors for their work, and which yoga classes they recommend I take.”

Reaction around the children’s literature community was swift and universal. “This is so great,” said Greenwald’s editor, Nancy Mercado of Roaring Brook Press. “I have no idea what Tommy could possibly say that would help other writers, but he could definitely stand to lose a little weight.”


  1. June 22nd, 2012

    Kate Dopirak

    Ha! Funny, funny stuff. We’d LOVE to have you visit the ‘Burgh (dress code may involve a Steeler jersey. . ). I’ll share your contact info. and your spa demands with the appropriate people. (Charlie Joe’s new cover is WOW, by the way.) Oh, and are you going to LA SCBWI?

  2. June 23rd, 2012


    you are kind of awesome. please come to austin scbwi next february. just look them up and tell them if they have you come to the conference, more unpublished authors that potentially suck such as myself will pay to go to the conference to hear your words of banality plus we could bring a treadmill for you to use during your speech so that you could lose weight!! austin 2013 come on!!!!!

  3. June 23rd, 2012


    I see now that you were in Houston. doesn’t count. very different. if you can manage it, pen a nice note to the folks at scbwi austin. like i said, i’ll bring the treadmill or lead you through some jazzercise during lunch.
    thank you. sucky unpublished writer who shells out major dough for conferences… me!

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